writingown

Writing Your Own Vows….

Taken from “The Everything Wedding Vows Book” By Janet Anastasio & Michelle Bevilacqua

First consider what is important to both of you. What things do you share and value as a
couple? What goals in life do you share? You’re in charge --- so customize the proceedings
to your own interests & dreams.

When creating your own vows, start by writing down answers to the following questions.
Doing so will provide you with valuable source material—and help you develop the vows
you are looking for.

Answer TOGETHER, how do you, as a couple, define the following terms?

LOVE

TRUST

MARRIAGE

FAMILY

COMMITMENT

TOGETHERNESS

Answer TOGETHER, How did the two of you first meet?

Answer SEPERATELEY: What was the first thing you noticed about your partner?

Answer TOGETHER: List here any shared hobbies or other mutual interests you have.

Answer TOGETHER: What was the single most important event in your relationship?

Answer TOGETHER: How similar ( or different) were your respective childhoods? Take a
moment to also recount some of the important parallels or differences here.

Answer TOGETHER: Is there a song, poem or book that is particular meaningful in your
relationship? If so, identify it here.

Answer TOGETHER: Do you and your partner share a common religious tradition?

Answer TOGETHER: If you share a common religious tradition, is there a particular
scriptural passage that you as a couple find meaningful?

Answer TOGETHER: How do you and your partner look at personal growth & change?
What aspects of your life together are likely to change over the coming years? How do you
anticipate dealing with those changes? How important is mutual respect & tolerance in your
relationship? When one of you feels that a particular need is being overlooked, what do you
feel is the best way to address this problem with the other person?

Answer TOGETHER: Do you & Your partner have a common vision of what your life as
older people will be like? Will it include children or grandchildren? Take this opportunity to
put into words the vision you and your partner share of what it will be like to grow old
together.

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OUTLINE #1

Groom : (Initial Statement relating to the past)
Bride: (Initial Statement relating to the past)

Groom: (Statement relating to partner)
Bride: (Statement relating to partner)

Groom: (Promise or commitment in terms you feel are appropriate for your relationship.)
Bride: (Promise or commitment in terms you feel are appropriate for your relationship.)

EXAMPLE:
Groom: When I was a child, I thought nothing would ever persuade me to leave my home
state of Maine when it came time to make my way in the world. But that was before I met you.

Bride: As a young girl, I dreamed of a place where I could grow with another, step by step,
side by side. I have found that place in your heart.

Groom: Kathy, you have helped me to learn that love is a direction not a destination.

Bride: John, you have taught me that when someone is there no matter what, trust and
commitment come without effort, of their own accord.

Groom: I pledge to you my future. I will share all my tomorrows with you and no other.

Bride: I pledge to you my future. I will share all my tomorrows with you and no other.

OUTLINE #2

Groom: (Extended statement incorporating important materials developed in answering the
questions and culminating in a state of your commitment to one another.)

Bride: (Extended statement incorporating important materials developed in answering the
questions and culminating in a state of your commitment to one another.)

Example:

Groom: The first thing I noticed about Kathy was her radiant smile. We were both
auditioning for a show in college, and when I asked her what type of piece she’d prepared
she said she planned to make it all up on the spot—and then she smiled at me. Kathy, your
warmth and spontaneity have won my heart utterly. From this day forward, I will stand by
your side. You are the one I will be true to always. Let us make our lives together.

Bride: The first thing I noticed about John was his unceasing energy. As he waited for the
director to call him in, he couldn’t seem to sit still, and when I told him my plans for the
audition, he stared at me as though I were mad—but mad in an interesting way. What he
didn’t tell you just now was that I got the lead role in that show and he wound up in the
chorus! But John, from that day to this and for all the days that follow, you will always be my
leading man. From this day forward, I will stand by your side. You are the one I will be true
to always. Let us make our lives together.

Outline #3

Bride: Opening verse of a favorite song, or quote from a book or poem that is particularly
meaningful to you as a couple.

Groom: Continuation of this material.

Bride: Continuation of this material.

Groom: Continuation of this material

Bride: (Promise or commitment in terms you feel are appropriate for your relationship)

Groom: (Promise or commitment in terms you feel are appropriate for your relationship)

Example:

Bride: Grow old alone with me!

Groom: The best is yet to be.

Bride: The last of life, for which the first was made.

Groom: Our times are in His hand – Who saith, A whole I planned, youth shows but hald.
Trust God, see all, nor be afraid!

Bride: God Bless our Love.

Groom: God Bless our Love.

Bride: John, in this assembly of friends and family, I take you today as my husband. I do
this in the certainty of my soul, and knowing that you are my true life partner. I will love you,
honor you, and cherish you for the rest of our days, so long as we shall live.

Groom: Kathy, in this assembly of friends and family, I take you today as my wife. I do this
in the certainty of my soul, and knowing that you are my true life partner. I will love you,
honor you, and cherish you for the rest of our days, so long as we shall live.

Outline #4

Bride: (Dictionary definition of an important aspect of your relationship)

Groom: (Promise or commitment in terms you feel are appropriate for your relationship)

Example:

Bride: The dictionary defines love as the attraction or affection felt for a person who elicits
delight & admiration.

Groom: For us, as we begin our lives together, that definition is only a beginning. We
make a commitment to our love today, and we see it as a willingness to give, to see oneself
through another and to work together to make the best of parts of ourselves a reality.

Bride: John, my love for you is the foundation upon which I want to build my life. Take this
ring as a sign of my faith.

Groom: Kathy, my love for you is the foundation upon which I want to build my life. Take
this ring as a sign of my faith.

Outline #5

Groom : (Brief statement acknowledging & celebrating the gathering of friends and family)

Bride: (Longer Statement continuing the idea)

Groom: (Promise or commitment in terms you feel are appropriate for your relationship)

Bride: (Promise or commitment in terms you feel are appropriate for your relationship)

Example:

Groom: Today we bring two families together—and celebrate as one family.

Bride: To all who have come with us to mark our union today, we offer our thanks for your
help through the years, our embrace for your support over the weeks & Months that led to
this day, and our promise that, as new members of this new & larger family, we will alwayd
be there for you as you have been there for us.

Groom: Kathy, in joining my life with yours, I give to you all that I am and all that I may
become. I give myself to you as your husband.

Bride: John, in joining my life with yours, I give to you all that I am and all that I may
become. I give myself to you as your wife.

Outline #6

Bride: (scriptural passage that is particularly meaningful to you as a couple)

Groom: (continuation of this material)

Bride: (continuation of this material)

Groom: (continuation of this material)

Bride: (continuation of this material)

Groom: (continuation of this material)

Bride: (Promise or commitment in terms you feel are appropriate for your relationship)

Groom: (Promise or commitment in terms you feel are appropriate for your relationship)

Example:

Groom: From the beginning of creation God made them male & female.

Bride: This is why a man must leave father and mother..

Groom: …… and the two become one body. They are no longer two, therefore, but one
body.

Bride: So then, what God has united….

Groom: man must not divide.

Bride: John today, in the gathering of this honored company , we unite in God’s love. I
pledge myself to you as your wife, and will be faithful to you for all of our days.

Groom: Kathy, today, in the gathering of this honored company, we unite in God’s love. I
pledge myself to you as your husband, and will be faithful to you for all our days.

Outline #7

(with your partner, develop a single paragraph, of whatever length you feel is appropriate,
to be recited by both partners. The paragraph should draw on the material you have written
in answers to the questions you answered…)

Example:

I, (name), take you, (name) to be my husband/wife. I want to grow old along with you, I want
to share the blessing of children & family with you. Today, before these honored guests
and beloved family members, I vow to love you and honor you for as long as we both shall
live. I vow to respect you, listen to you, and grow with you, through good times and bad
times.